I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
