he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
