I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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