What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
