yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
