all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
