I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
