dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
