I am in a vortex of obligation.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
