Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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