I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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