look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
