Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize