Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
