last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we're making bets on your personal life
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
