Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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