im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
