if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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