we made out on top of his cat.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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