so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize