remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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