I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
