In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
