I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
