i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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