my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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