I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
