I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
