As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
