I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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