Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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