Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
