i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
