hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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