foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
