Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
