Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
