I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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