Michael Bay diarrhea
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
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