I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
