All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
