community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
