After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
