Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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