this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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