flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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