We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
