Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
