You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
