it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just tell him i said nine months
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
