i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
