So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
