I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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