Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
