You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
