I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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