i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
