do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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