yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
