Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
