i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
