we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize