I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
